Such a Stellar Monument to Loneliness

I pulled a series of muscles in my right leg this past week, not from doing anything in particular (I don't think) but simply from prolonged overexertion. I'm not a compulsive exerciser, but I do have necessity to walk quite a bit, and I guess walking around a big campus multiple times a day + going up a few flights of stairs every day + movement classes twice a week + daily strolls hither and thither - adequate protein and electrolyte intake = muscle stress. Also, I'm not gonna lie. I do enjoy exercising my, um, libido, and my leg muscles can contract quite intensely during that process.

Anyway, on Thursday I developed a rather painful limp, which carried on through Friday, but today it was much better, and as of this evening it's practically gone. I hope that by Monday it will have vanished completely. My dietician had been scaring me about it, and as such I started swapping out some of my edamame for low-carb, sugar-free protein shakes (110 calories apiece, so nothing like Ensure or anything) and replacing diet soda with Powerade Zero. It seems to be doing the trick, although I am more bloated than usual, because 1) protein shakes are not raw, and 2) my diet now contains more sodium, which my body craves desperately. Fortunately the bloating isn't visible, but it's showing up on the scale. Despite this, my body image has been better the past couple of days. Maybe because I hit one of my weight "benchmarks" earlier this week.

Today I went to see a play that most of my (real) class are in, as it's the official Junior fall show. I cried. This would have been okay, except the play was a comedy. Good thing the lights were low. On Thursday I heard rumours that the sophomore spring show was going to be Romeo and Juliet. If this is the case, I will absolutely not audition for it. I'll only audition if 1) it's Shakespeare; but 2) it's not Romeo and Juliet. Fucking hate that play. Good God. It's Romeo and Juliet, for fuck's sake. It's the reason West Side Story exists.

There's nothing that says you have to audition for your class show; it's just expected that you will. There are plenty of other performance opportunities, however, that happen along each semester and you're welcome to choose which one(s) to take. For instance, a couple members of my (real) class weren't in the Junior show that I saw this afternoon, because they'd done other plays instead. I really need for that to be me. I really need to not do the sophomore show. In fact, I think it would be awesome if I could go my entire collegiate career without once doing a 2013 show. *Spite spite spite*

None of the sophomoric sophomores hate me. In fact, they all really dig me. I don't understand how this is possible. It boggles the mind. I was counting on being hated. I was going to be the odd one out, the know-it-all in the corner who never laughs or smiles or wants to have fun. But that's not how they treat me at all. Granted, I treat them respectfully. I'm not mean to them. I talk to them in class. But they're not my friends. Do they think they're my friends? I don't consider any of them my friends. And they know less than jack shit about me. I don't even mean the eating disorder. I mean that they don't know... well, anything. My love for Machiavelli. My taste in music. They barely know I'm a Republican; that was discovered quite by accident. They don't know that I'm a skank. That I have morals that are questionable at best and nonexistent for the most part. That I love "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." That I'm an overly analytical, highly cerebral perfectionist. Like seriously, they do not know that. They don't know that I love to pick out outfits and do my makeup. That I care immensely about what other people think.

And they don't know that the less they know, the happier I am.